Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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