everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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