I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
