my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize