Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
