I am spending my child support on dildos
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
