Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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