I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
