any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
