My Higher Power is John Stamos
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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