Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
