how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
