am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Randomize
