i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
