hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
