my sisters under your porch take her home
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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