but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
