He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
