Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
