So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
