So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
