Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize