How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
