my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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