Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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