I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
