wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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