the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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