He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
