Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
