we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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