so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize