respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
