He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
