I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
