i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
