We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
