nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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