need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
