Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
