Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
