Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
