i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
