i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
