fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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