Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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