Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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