I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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