u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
