Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
