fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
