pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
