did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
