We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
