Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
