I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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