): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
