U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
honey bunches of taint.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
