just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
