3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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