I wish I could teleport
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did i walk over a car last night?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
