One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I deserve this hangover.
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