plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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