Sponge bath it is.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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