why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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