all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
