so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
