other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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