we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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