By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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