I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
