You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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