We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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