Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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